Introducing Walk-a-Bot!
[Plus audio version]
We know that busy modern people like you have so much on their hands that you often have no room for the more basic pleasures in life.
With social media to update, emails to check and Zoom meetings to attend, sometimes there’s not even time to go for a walk!
But now, thanks to Walk-A-Bot, you can stretch your legs and see the neighbourhood without leaving your comfy home or office!
You enjoy some badly-needed exercise and social intercourse, while carrying on doing all the things you need to do online!
The Walk-A-Bot solution features the innovative combination of a compact virtual treadmill with a state-of-the-art robot, whose efficacy has been battle-proven in the war on pre-school terrorists in Greater Israel.
Using the device of your choice, you can watch, in real time, the progress of your walk in the real outside world!
A great advantage is, of course, that you will not have to brave the elements yourself although, for lovers of realism, our optional Rain-ee-Day feature will spray you with one of eight levels of water jet, ranging from Spittin’ right up to Pissin’!
You can also purchase our luxury hand-made organic gluten-free plastic sheeting to protect the carpet.
Walk-A-Bot can be programmed for any length of stroll, along any route you choose. It will also take the dog with it, as required – or a child over the age of two, if on a lead, masked and fully vaccinated.
It will even stop for a chat with the neighbours!
Yes, that’s right! We provide more than 50 AI conversation options, starting from Weather Whinges and passing up through The Match Last Night to All Bloody Politicians Are The Same and The World is a Total Mess – Could You Recommend a Good Euthanasia Clinic?
In the interests of your safety, though, no conspiracy theories or anti-semitic tropes will be tolerated and the authorities will be alerted if any person encountered introduces such illegal material into the conversation.
As Walk-A-Bot catches on, your robot will no doubt be bumping into your neighbours’ versions and enjoying AI-only conversations entirely free of human involvement.
Welcome to the fantastic fun-filled future!
Incidentally, if you find your real-life neighbours dull, ugly or unpleasant, why not upgrade to Walk-A-Bot Virtual Paradise, where they can be replaced by AI-created individuals designed to suit your personal preferences!
This cutting-edge feature even allows you to virtually alter the ethnic make-up of your part of town to best answer the demands of your specific psychological safety and well-being.
Walk-A-Bot – we go for a walk so you don’t have to!
Perfect! The language of Mad Ave meets the brave new dystopia. Very much along the lines of New World Humor's latest piece, featuring “Palantir Dating”.
So many deft strokes, including this one: “It will also take the dog with it, as required – or a child over the age of two, if on a lead, masked and fully vaccinated.”
Will we be the Wild Rovers? Nano...never no more!